"Our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but obviously a lot of shelter
dogs are mutts like me."07/11/08 concerning the family pet he promised his
daughters

"Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger.  I was
actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jorel to save the Planet
Earth."

"Many of you -- many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father.
What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for "That One."
And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run
for president."

"If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility.
Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome. One other
thing, I have never, not once, put lipstick on a pig or a pit bull or myself."


"Then at one of these campaign rallies, someone in the crowd started yelling,
No-Bama, announcing to everyone in the room that I shouldn't be the Democratic
nominee because there were far more qualified candidates.
I really wish Joe Biden hadn't done that."

"I have to say tonight's venue isn't really what I'm used to. I was originally
told we'd be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and -- can somebody
tell me what happened to the Greek Columns that I requested?"

"That’s what he talked about yesterday, ‘I want to drill here. I want to drill
now.’ I don’t know where he was standing. I think he was in a building
somewhere." on McCain's energy plan

"I would have to…investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities, you know, and
some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a
brother." whether Bill Clinton was our first 'black president' or not.

"I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party." responding to
revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.