"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where
he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born."
"Both McCain and Senator Barack Obama are trying to woo voters who are outside
their natural demographic. In this election, for Senator Obama, that means
trying to reach working class, non-Muslim white women who love America."
”Demeaning Obama is not why this is a dick move by McCain. It's a dick move by
McCain because one of the fine young ladies featured in this [Paris Hilton] ad
-- her parents, the Hiltons, contributed $4,600, the maximum you can
contribute, to the campaign of none other than John McCain. John McCain is
saying to the Hiltons, ‘I thank you kindly for your support. Now if you'll
excuse me, I have to go take a nationally televised dump on your daughter.’"
”And last week was all about Barack Obama, and his unbelievable trip overseas,
traveling two continents, dazzling millions of people who come November, can in
no way vote for him. But, John McCain had his own exotic adventure... [Video of
McCain saying "I had the opportunity of having lunch at Schmidt's Sausage
House"]. And everyone knows, as goes Schmidt's Sausage House, so goes the
Hassenpfeffer Schnitzel Hut.”
"It was time for the most anticipated event on Senator Obama's itinerary: his
speech in Berlin. And so, at 7pm local time, a crowd of over 200,000 gathered
to listen to Barack Obama. There was dancing, there was the climbing of
lampposts to gaze upon the junior senator from Illinois and, of course, the
requisite [shot of flag waving]. Hey, I don't want to say anything, but I think
your American flags are broken. They're not on fire. When was the last time you
saw that overseas? You know, I've got to tell you. There's something about a
charismatic leader rallying huge crowds of Germans in a large public square."
"Democrats do have an historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs Barack Obama.
Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to
hit the Statue of Liberty. How will we know it's the future? Silver unitards,
that can't be all?"
"You have to give Barack Obama credit, he's overcome a great deal. Not just
he's an African-American. Barack Hussein Obama is his name. His middle name is
the last name of Iraq's former tyrant. His last name rhymes with Osama. That's
not easy to overcome. I think we all remember the ill-fated 1944 presidential
campaign of Gaydolf Titler. It's just a shame, Titler had so many good ideas.
We just couldn't get past the name. And the moustache."
